coolmite

Check this out.

Oh, Hell. I’ll just give you the highlights.

URGEN MESSAGE FROM NIGERIA, ER, AMERICA

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

Doesn’t that just make you grin from ear to ear? I mean, yes, Rome is burning all around us, but that’s really funny. Also surprising, as I’m sure someone at the Treasury would have thought of this sooner.

Stupid leveraged firms. These firms were leveraged out sometimes 35-1 over their assets. THIRTY-FIVE to FREAKING ONE! No wonder they’ve all gone south!

Not to openly bitch about the rich getting richer at the expense of the rest of us, but damn it, I’m tired of seeing hedge fund traders play bait and switch with our market and the never seen before today credit swap market. It honestly makes me want to hide my money in a mattress.

And, of course, since the confidence in the businesses that lend and respect credit relies on public trust, of course we have to make up the difference. We can trust ourselves, at least, if we can’t trust these shysters on Wall Street. I think I’ll send this Nigerian e-mail to the folks at AIG or WaMu…